What is wrong with me? Why do I suck at managing my money?  This is a question that gets asked A LOT. Oh, people everywhere, hear me when I say… there is not one single thing that is wrong with you when it comes to managing your money. Nothing. Nada.  You see, saying that there is “something wrong” with you implies that you are fundamentally flawed. Broken. Defective. It infers that your very genetic make-up is faulty and the reason you struggle comes from the core of your inner-being.  When you feel flawed and broken, you feel less than. You forget the strength that you have and you discredit how valuable you actually are.  However, that simply is not the case. As a complex, intelligent, unique human being, you were created exactly as you were intended to be. In fact, everything that it takes to be successful is already inside of you. Your value is far beyond measure. And, believe it or not, that value doesn’t come from something so irrelevant as how well you manage your money.      So, let me say it again… there is nothing wrong with you.  The truth is that successfully managing your money boils down to two things:    Money Skills. Managing money is a skill set. Much like learning to play the piano, you must be taught how to do it. And even after you learn, you still have to practice all the time to become great at it. It seems ridiculous for someone to say, “Why am I so terrible at playing the piano?” when they’ve never sat down to one, never had lessons, never taken the time to practice. There is nothing innately flawed about the person because they don’t know how to make music. They just simply never learned how to play.        Interior Finance. There are often very strong emotions that we feel when it comes to our finances. Couple that with the complex chemical reactions that take place in our brain whenever we are dealing with money and it is no wonder that sometimes we aren’t quite successful at managing it. However, even when emotions and physiology are getting in the way of your financial success, it is not because you are broken or defective. Your body and mind are working how they were created to. Think of it more as a house that needs to be put into order. Having a bunch of junk in the house doesn’t make the house broken. It just makes it hard to live in. Learning HOW to clean out the house takes work, and sometimes you need a little extra help to get the job done.    If you struggle with money it is because of some limitation in one (or maybe even both) of these two areas. There is no other reason. Most certainly, it is NOT because you are broken in some way.  All that being said. Sometimes, it is still sooo easy to hear yourself say, “I suck.”   So, let’s digress and take a minute to talk about the voices that each one of us hears in our own head. Noooo, not those cray-hay-zy voices! Put those ones back in their closet for now. I’m talking about those every day normal voices that sound like… you.  There’s three of them. You’ve heard them all and you know them well.*     Let’s start with that voice that, on the good days, says “Girl, you are rockin’ it today!” or “You know you totally got this!” It is the voice that cheers you on, keeps you going, and then happily helps you celebrate your victories. She never doubted you could do it. She is vibrant and enthusiastic and when she’s there, all the world is colorful and bright. This voice is you! It is who you genuinely are and who you are meant to be. It is your true-self uncolored by doubt and negative self-talk. This is where you want to be.     Sometimes, there’s another great little voice in your head. This is the voice that leads to profound and wonderful ideas. This is the voice of inspiration, creativeness and ingenuity. Inspiration is a voice of enlightenment and sometimes it pops into your head out of nowhere saying, “Hey, why don’t you do this? It will be amazing!” or “I’ve got a great idea! Let’s try it!” If you know how to listen to it closely enough, it is also that “gut-feeling” that seems to never lead you astray.  Both of those voices are wonderful contributors to our happy lives and we’ll talk more about them in upcoming posts. However, we have one last voice, and that is the one that I want to focus on today.  This is the voice of opposition. This is likely a voice that you are very familiar with and it is possibly the one you hear the most. Opposition keeps you from getting to enjoy your true-self. You’re too busy feeling the negativity to experience confident and happy. That is what opposition wants. It is the voice that keeps going on and on in your head about what you messed up, or what you can’t do right, or why you are less than. This voice WANTS you to fail. It wants you to give up, and it whispers words to your mind that sound like,  I suck. Why bother? I never get it right. Why do I keep doing this to myself?  Remember the old Tom and Jerry cartoons where Tom would try to figure out what to do in a certain situation? He’d have an angel sitting on one shoulder and the devil sitting on the other. Both would take turns trying to win him over by telling him what to do. Opposition is like that little devil and it is trying to derail you at every turn by making you believe that you are flawed and broken and less than.  If you constantly find that you’re feeling internally criticized when it comes to your money, it’s time to shut that ol’ devil on your shoulder up!    The easiest way to beat opposition at its own game is to think of it in the third-person. Think of it as that little devil whispering into your ear, entirely distinct from yourself. Sometimes, it is easiest for our brains to process situations if we view them as separate from us. I mean, do you really want to berate yourself for berating yourself? No way! So don’t. Berate opposition instead. He’s the one whispering all those nasty little thoughts to your mind, after all.  Here are three tips to help fight all that negativity in your mind.  1: Define what your true-self is. What do you look like, feel like, act like? What does it take to get to this version of you? This is your center, where you want to be. Remember, you can recognize your true-self as the person you are when you are feeling awesome, when you are ten feet tall and bullet-proof and there is nothing in the world that can stop you. You are totally on your game. Come what may, you’ve got it handled. That my friend, is the true-you. Write this version of yourself down to help you remember when you just can’t seem to find her.      2: Notice when you are not feeling like your true-self. It may be that something is just a little “off” or it may be that you are having a full-blown terrible time. Once you recognize what is going on, think about what it was that opposition whispered to you to get you to this point. Remember, he is the master of taking what actually is and distorting it to make you feel like trash. That’s his game. See it for what it is.     3: Tell that stinkin’ little devil to F-off! Literally. Get angry about it. If it wasn’t for that little jerk, you’d be rockin’ your true-self. He’s taking that away from you and that’s a good reason to be mad. Tell him so. Tell him he’s not welcome in your head. Do it out loud and be fierce about it! Physiologically speaking, a good dose of those fight chemicals in your brain can do a lot to clear those opposition-type thoughts out of your mind. Just remember, who you are fighting (the little devil). You should only be angry long enough to get opposition out of your head. Once he is gone, let it go. Now, you have the space you need to re-center and show the world (and yourself) the true, inspired, unstoppable you.  Most importantly, remember, you are unique and valuable. No matter what you do, or where you go, that value is infinite. It cannot be measured and it doesn’t diminish. Period. So go out, enjoy your true-you and know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You totally got this!              

  

  	
       
      
         
          
             
                  
             
          

          

         
      
       
    

  


           



 

  

   

     

      

         

        

            

            

            

            

            
               
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There are often very strong emotions that we feel when it comes to our finances. Couple that with the complex chemical reactions that take place in our brain whenever we are dealing with money and it is no wonder that sometimes we aren’t quite successful at managing it.

      Cleaning Out Our Emotional "Money Beds"  The other evening I was putting my little guy to bed for the night and I was absolutely shocked at the amount of stuff that kid had tucked away in his bed. Where on earth did it even come from?!? Obviously, it was stuff that he had collected over time and put there. All of it a treasure to him at some point, I’ve no doubt. Some of it was useful (to him): a flashlight, a few books, his favorite stuffed animal of the moment, and his beloved brown blanket. I understood why those “valuable” items would be tucked in right next to him. But there was also a wide assortment of… well… crap. Scraps of paper, random hair ties, a variety of mismatched toys, and perhaps, even a cup of old rotten milk (yikes!). As I was clearing out his bed to make room for… ahem… him, I reflected on how much his bed and our emotional “money beds” seem to mirror one another.  Here’s how.  When we were small children we began to pick up our views of money from the world around us. Primarily, we got them from within our homes and our family, because that is where our little world tended to be focused. So, in our home setting, we took whichever money-view happened to be laying around and, if it seemed valuable enough, we tucked it right into bed next to us, for safe keeping.  Now, as a small child, every one of the money-views that we chose to keep in our beds was seemingly important. Maybe one was important because mom or dad said it was. Maybe another seemed important because it brought a certain amount of joy or the feeling of safety. There are a million reasons for a kid to attach value to something. Nevertheless, the little money-view “treasure” that was collected was somehow very significant to us, so we held on to it, hid it under our blankets and never let it go.  Truth be told though, most of those “treasures” that we laid up for ourselves all those years ago, are actually just… well… crap. Sure, there might be something useful mixed in with all of the unnecessary, but those real gems are far outnumbered by useless pieces of trash that just ended up cluttering our emotional money beds.  A little illustration of this point:  I was once talking with a friend of mine, we’ll call her Angela, about one of the memories she had of money when she was a child. During the course of this conversation, Angela relayed to me that when she was around the age of eight her father quit his job to stay home with his family. At some point fairly soon after Angela’s dad quit his job she remembers going to the store with him. For the first time in young Angela’s life, dad told her that they need to stick to budget while at the store. This astounded little Angela. It was new, and different, and obviously very important.  Coincidentally, also around the same time as dad quitting his job, a psychic medium randomly began to call and leave messages on the family’s answering machine saying that there “are financial troubles looming ahead”.  At this point in her life, Angela’s impressionable mind picked up, and held onto, three “valuable” little “treasures” concerning money.  1.       Dad quit his job (we’ve lost our income) 2.       Now we must live on a budget 3.       There is financial trouble coming  All of this equated to exactly one thing for eight-year old Angela:  We must spend carefully, because we are on the verge of going broke!   But remember, this memory comes from an eight-year old’s perspective. In reality, it is possible that dad always used a budget, but this was just the first time Angela had seen it in action. Or maybe, there was plenty of money squirreled away, but dad was just trying to be extra responsible in light of the change in circumstances. Who is to say for sure? Not little Angela. She was only looking at a teeny, tiny part of the picture.  As for the psychic medium – most likely a telemarketer trying to solicit new clients.   But, of course, the little girl didn’t perceive it that way.  To this day, the money script that Angela picked up stays with her. She continues to operate under the message that she formed for herself as child, “Be careful, or you will go broke.”  Because of this created money message, Angela is a very pennywise person. She lives quite frugally and sometimes she even has difficulty spending money.  Even though Angela has enough for her needs, she watches every penny and the thought of spending carelessly creates some stress and anxiety for her.  While being economical is a great skill to have for managing money, it can also, sometimes, become unnecessarily extreme. Money is meant to be enjoyed. It is meant to give our lives meaning and to help us bring happiness to those around us. The money message that Angela created for herself as a child no longer works. In fact, it is holding her back from creating something better for herself.  One of the first steps on the path to financial success is taking a good look at the money messages that we’ve created for ourselves as impressionable young children. They once served a purpose in our minds (to keep us safe, to make us feel loved, to help us make sense of the world) but now that we are adults we need to re-evaluate them, with the logic of an adult. In most cases we will see that they are not accurate, they no longer serve a purpose, or they are keeping us from moving ahead in the direction that we want to go. Once we understand the messages we’ve created and how they influence our view of money we can decide, as an adult, if we want to keep them next to us, or if we’d rather just let them go.  Sorting through our emotional money bed can be difficult and will certainly take some time. But, I promise, once all the trash is cleared out, you will be able to sleep easy, knowing that you have only the most valuable items tucked in right beside you.             Did you enjoy this article? Get more sent right to your inbox!  Sign up now to get all of the newest RebelMoco info sent directly to your inbox.  We promise, we don't share personal information... or spam... with anyone. We kindly keep it all to ourselves.          



 

  

   

     

      

         

        

            

            

            

            

            
               
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One of the first steps on the path to financial success is taking a good look at the money messages that we’ve created for ourselves as impressionable young children. They once served a purpose in our minds (to keep us safe, to make us feel loved, to help us make sense of the world) but now that we are adults we need to re-evaluate them, with the logic of an adult.

      What in the H$!! is a Money Coach Anyway?  These days there are certainly lots of professionals in the money management arena. So much so, the titles get a little bit confusing. Financial Planner, Financial Counselor, Financial Advisor, Accountant, Investment Advisor, Lifetime Planning Advisor… (yawn)… who even knows what all those guys do?  Now we want to throw money coach in there, too?!? Why on earth does anyone need one more financial guru?  Simple - For years, all of these areas of finance have been lacking in one critical area. They haven’t taken into account the HUMAN EMOTION side of money.   They are all about savings, and investing, budgets, and spreadsheets. They are the, “put your money exactly where/when/how I tell you to,” crew. They are the paper side of money, the FLAT side. And, they certainly don’t care what you know (or don’t know) about money. After all, their business relies on THEM being the experts of your money.   Money coaches want to put back what has been long missing in money management. YOU – ALL of you. Your whole physiological, emotional, physical you.   Money coaches are about transformation. They are the messy, chaotic, crazy, beautiful life side of money. A money coach’s trade is about helping you become a better version of yourself. Helping you understand your money in your own way and allowing YOU to be your own money expert.     Ok. So I think I understand how a money coach is different, but is this emotional side of money management even a real thing? How can it possibly make a difference?   You betcha, it’s real!  Interior finance, a phrase coined by Dr.’s Ted and Brad Klontz, is the internal (or emotional) aspect of money management. Weird, right?   Well… maybe not so weird after all…  Think about it.  How many times do you react emotionally, rather than logically, when it comes to your money?   Ever fight with your partner over spending? Ever make a purchase you immediately feel guilty about? Ever feel gloomy thinking about the bills that are piling up?  Ever “just have to have it right now!” buy something (shoes, or a camera, or a smart phone, or *insert your own version of bliss here*) even though you know you don’t exactly have money for it?  These are all examples or our emotions dictating how we view our money, and it actually happens much more than you’d think. That’s the dirty little secret that those other money guru’s don’t want you to know. They like to act like spending money is logical. Bring home A, Save B, Spend C, etc. They have everything in charts and columns and refuse to accept that there is more to the equation than “just follow the spending plan”.  But come on, we both know that it isn’t always that easy. More often than not, when the “logic” of money just isn’t working it is because the “emotions” of money are getting in the way. And, unless the internal (emotional) aspect of money is understood, and controlled, budgets won’t work, savings won’t materialize, and you will continue to struggle with money.   Enter money coach! (Duh da da DA!)  A money coach that focuses on the internal aspect of money is there to help you understand where those emotions are coming from and how exactly they are getting in the way of your financial success. Once all that’s out in the open, a good money coach will help you move past those nasty little spending habits that are holding you back, getting them out of the way once and for all so you don’t have to struggle anymore. As the interior world of money gets less messy, so does the exterior (outside) world of money. It’s a neat phenomenon that they work directly hand in hand with each other. Heal the inside and the outside begins to fall into place.    Yes, financial success actually begins on the inside!   Imagine… buying that little piece of bliss because the bills are all paid, you have the money to spend, and you know that you won’t feel guilty about it, even for one second.   Now that’s what a healthy relationship with money looks like!           



 

  

   

     

      

         

        

            

            

            

            

            
               
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More often than not, when the “logic” of money just isn’t working it is because the “emotions” of money are getting in the way. And, unless the internal (emotional) aspect of money is understood, and controlled, budgets won’t work, savings won’t materialize, and you will continue to struggle with money.